


Should've, Would've, Could've

by Little_R



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Episode: s01e03 The Great Game, M/M, Sebastian Is Jim's Horny Sniper, The Pool Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-01
Updated: 2013-07-01
Packaged: 2017-12-16 19:06:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/865520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_R/pseuds/Little_R
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kind of crack retakes of what Sherlock "should've" said when Jim made John ask “What would you like me to make him say next?” in The Pool Scene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Numero Uno: Jim Moriarty vs Sherlock Holmes

**Author's Note:**

> I shouldn't be allowed to write things on the evening when I'm very tired....this is what happends...I'm sorry...
> 
> I have never said that I own any form of Sherlock but just to make it clear, I don't!

Numero Uno: Jim Moriarty vs Sherlock Holmes

 

“What would you like me to make him say next?” John repeated, like the perfect little pet he was, clearly tensed but with a brave face.

 

Jim Moriarty had expected Sherlock to say “Stop it!” or something boring like that, but instead his eyes flew from part to part of John, clearly in his “Deducing-Mode” before he said: “Make him say 'Sherlock is a better kisser than Moriarty'.”

 

John dropped his jaw and said with burning ears-tips and cheeks. “S-Sherlock!”

 

“I'm not the one who has been snogging with the enemy!”

 

Jim Moriarty rushed out from his hiding place until he was face-to-face with Sherlock with noses almost touching.

 

“Like hell I'll ever make him say that!! I'm a much better kisser than you are! Johnny enjoyed me more than he'll EVER enjoy _YOU_!”

 

“That's completely delusional! I'm the best kisser John has ever had!” Sherlock snapped back, their noses pressed awkwardly against each other.

 

“Right, John?!”

 

“Right, Johnny!?”

 

Both said at the same time and snapped their heads to John.

 

John starred at them before looking up to where he guessed the sniper was. “You can shoot me now...”

 

XXXXXXXXX 

 

Alternative ending one: Win for Anderson.

 

“Right, John?!”

 

“Right, Johnny!?”

 

Both said at the same time and snapped their heads to John.

 

John bluntly said. “No. Anderson actually is.”

 

Both Sherlock and Jim looked aghast.

 

“B-but-t-t! Jim stammered, for once at lost for words.

 

“I have been beaten by Anderson....nothing can ever make me regain my pride again.” Sherlock said with a depressed face and looked like the very life had been sucked out of him.

 

 XXXXXXXXX 

 

Alternative ending two: Win for Mrs H.

 

“Right, John?!”

 

“Right, Johnny!?”

 

Both said at the same time and snapped their heads to John.

 

John bluntly said. “No. Mrs Hudson actually is.”

 

“What?!” the two geniuses said at the same time, clearly more than a little bit shocked.

 

“What? She has clearly more sexual experience than all of us together. Including your horny little sniper” John shrugged.

 

 XXXXXXXXX 

 

Alternative ending three: They just can't get along.

 

“That's completely delusional! I'm the best kisser John has ever had!” Sherlock snapped back, their noses pressed awkwardly against each other.

 

They starred.

 

And starred.

 

And starred.

 

Until they suddenly started to kiss each other, or if you can call it kissing, it was more a battle for dominance.

 

When they eventually broke apart, both panting, they both said at the same time. “I'm clearly the best!” which made them have a glaring competition, again.

 

Jim pulled out his phone and hit speed dial. After some waiting and tapping his foot he yelled to the phone. “Sebastian! I want you to shoot Mr Holmes. NOW!”

 

“ _Sorry, boss!_ ” they all heard Sebastian say from the speaker. “ _But I’m having a wank to this now so I'm not fit for assassinating._ ”

 

This made John's eyes nearly bulged out from their sockets. _Can't ANYONE here even be a little bit professional?!_

 

Jim simply ended the call and looked from Sherlock to John, looking perfectly calm and slightly bored.

 

“Do you guys want to kiss some more?” he then asked.

 

“Heck yes!” was Sherlock's immediate answer. “But John! Keep the parka on!”

 

Jim grinned at this. “Isn't it adorable on him?!”

 

“It is!” Sherlock agreed. And the two geniuses started to chat about the cuteness of John for a while before the attacked him with kisses.


	2. Numero Doso: Jam And Rage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not Fun Fact At All: This was actually the first part but I thought that it was so broing so I didin't want to put it first. (I have no idea why I'm writing this)

Numero Doso: Jam And Rage.

 

“What would you like me to make him say next?” John repeated, like the good little boy he was, clearly tensed but with a brave face.

 

Jim Moriarty had expected Sherlock to say “Stop it!” or something boring like that, but instead he starred at John with an icy and annoyed expression and said.: “Make him say 'Sherlock, I'm sorry that I ruined your experiment that you had been working on for _AGES_ '!!”

 

John dropped his jaw and snapped back angrily. “It's not my fault that you kept it in the bloody _fridge_! And it was jam! That was mouldy!!” all of the previous fear forgotten.

 

“It was an experiment!”

 

“Well start to bloody _LABEL_ your experiments then! AND DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE WASTE JAM AGAIN!!!” John said the last part with a dark and frightening demon voice of doom.

 

 _They're bickering like an old married couple and have completely forgotten about me._ Jim Moriarty thought with an eyebrow risen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this! =)


	3. Numero Treso: Sherlock Can't Be Romantic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this was really the second part.

Numero Treso: Sherlock Can't Be Romantic.

“What would you like me to make him say next?” John repeated, like the cute little doll he was, clearly tensed but with a brave face.

Jim Moriarty had expected Sherlock to say “Stop it!” or something boring like that, what he hadn't expected was Sherlock to blush like a school girl and say: “Make him say 'I love you, Sherlock'.”

John dropped his jaw and said carefully. “Sherlock....now is not the right time...”

“But when is the right time?” Sherlock said desperately and stomped his foot on the pool floor.

“Maybe when you're NOT having a genius show-down and I'm strapped in semtex!”

“Emmm....boss?” Sebastian's voice said in Jim Moriarty's ear piece. “Do you want me to shoot them?”

“No.” Jim said while mouthing popcorn from a tub of popcorn that he had pulled out from somewhere (from his utility belt? From his ego? From his pants? From his jockstrap? From the stuffing in his pants? The list is endless...). “This is better than 'Glee'!”

“But how can I when all I can think about is fucking you against the floor!” Sherlock suddenly exclaimed.

“Oh!” Jim said and pulled out his phone and started to film, that was something he didn't want to miss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this! =)


	4. Numero Quatro: Fanboying over John Watson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really the fourth part. And I don't mean to disrespect out of any language with the titles of my chapter, I just have a strange sense of humour. =)

Numero Quatro: Fanboying over John Watson.

 

“What would you like me to make him say next?” John repeated, like the little cutie he was, clearly tensed but with a brave face.

 

Jim Moriarty had expected Sherlock to say “Stop it!” or something boring like that, but instead he looked at John like he was going to explode from the sheer adorableness of him and shriek. “Oh My God! You're so _CUTE_ in that parka, John!” and put his hands up in a fangirl ehmm _fanboy_ pose.

 

Jim Moriarty rushed out from his hiding place, glad that his arch-nemesis had so good taste.

 

“I know right! He looks like a perfect little doll!”

 

“He does!” Sherlock agreed.

 

“I was thinking about dressing him up in Westwood or in a hobbit costume. But then I thought that maybe I got a bit too exited?”

 

“I think that's an excellent idea, Mr Moriarty!”

 

John simply starred at the two geniuses with an “ _You got to be kidding me?!_ ” expression while they talking about dressing him up in different outfits like he was some kind of doll. That expression turned to a scared one when Jim said:

 

“Then I thought about just letting him go out completely naked!”

 

“That's a _brilliant_ idea that I think that we should carry out. Right now. For science!” Sherlock said while they turned to John with lustful and perverted expressions.

 

John swallowed nervously.

 

Somewhere Sebastian Moran pumped his fist in the air and screamed. “Yesss! Finally!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this and have a fabulous day! =)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! =)


End file.
